ISTA Project Reflection

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The ISTA Project was a deeply informative process, even though I did miss many of our meeting days. While I was in the classroom and able to learn, I garnered many new skills and a deeper understanding of my individual creative process when it comes to theater. Despite the multitude of theater theorists and theories we covered, I feel the biggest thing I gained from this experience was discussed in the final 15 minutes of our last class. I must personally decide whether I am committing to the theater or not, in both a specific way when concerning trying new things or being creative in the classroom, as well as my overall conviction and understanding of theater. While I have deep love respect and passion for theater, film, and other forms of visual art performance, I am flakey, and this is represented in my work. After going through this process I have realized that in order to do anything of substance I must commit fully to the theater in a holistic way. I am too afraid to take risks and put myself out there, and I have gotten away with this as my goofiness and overall creativity may in some ways mask this. But in the end, I recognize that I can do more, and I can do better, but I am afraid to take that leap of faith. The experience with ISTA has forced me to come to terms with this idea, and I must now make a decision. Theater, acting, artistic expression, all of these things require an emotional risk, maturity, and depth I have yet to discover within myself, and my inability to create virtually anything of substance throughout this experience is evidence of that. I am capable of running away with ideas and sometimes they turn out good, but that extra layer of conviction, attention to detail, and determination are what is standing in my way from making something I can truly be proud of. While reflecting on this idea, I have found what I believe to be my answer. I must do more, I need to do more, and my failure to do so during the ISTA workshop is something I feel a great shame for, but I must rise above that. I will use this experience as fuel for something greater. I will not rest until what I am capable of creating matches what I can see in my head, and failure, while frustrating, is not the end. Our group is growing in our capabilities to collaborate, and my ever-increasing knowledge of theater will only aid in my growth, but the true growth must happen within, not just for me but for everyone in our class. So in summary, moving forward I must match my work ethic and determination with my passion and creativity, and through that, I believe I can make something of substance. 

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